Tales from the Registry

In this edition of "From the Vault," I opine on registering for gifts for our wedding. This post was originally written August 25, 2007. Gosh I'm getting old. That was almost 4 years ago. Anyway, enjoy my ramblings...

You know? This wedding stuff can be fun. Case in point - registering for stuff. Now before we begin, you have to know that I am somewhat of a fan of shopping. I do enjoy going to Target or Wal-Mart, wandering around aimlessly looking for things I don't need but are cool (see: office supplies, pens specifically). There are times when I go in and get out, because I know what it is I am looking for (see Best Buy, where if I wandered around long enough, they would probably ask me where I wanted my cot). Anyways, I digress...

So it was last Tuesday (as in not this past one but the one before that). Fiancee and I are wandering around Wolfchase, just walking and being together. She asks if I want to go to Macy's and register. Sure. Why not? At least I'll see how boring it is and won't be going again with Ginny. Of course I get proven wrong. The lady gets all the information from us, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah... scanner gun... blah blah blah... scanner gun. Note the only words I paid attention to were scanner and gun. I don't remember what exactly Ginny or the lady said, but here is the closest re-enactment I could get.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to scan all items of immediate and necessary needs for previously stated location of residence. Failure to do so will result in empty living quarters and bare floors. This message will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2..."

After that I think I blacked out from the explosion, but my mission was clear. We set about finding and scanning what we needed... until at Bed, Bath and Beyond the lady there said, "Scan what you need and want." Well that Tuesday there wasn't much time to have fun with that. That's what Wednesday (and the rest of week off work for vacation) was for.

Let me just say that my mind had not fully grasped the magnitude of this statement until I saw IT. THE Magic Bullet. You know, from infomercial fame! I scanned it an immediate rush of ecstacy that only will be matched... nevermind. Next item? The George Foreman grill! I felt the presence of Mr. Foreman himself right beside me, whispering, "Well done!" in my ear. Moments later, I found the PowerJuicer, too! Infomercial products never die. They end up at Target for 29.99. Unfortunately, Fiancee would not allow the Magic Bullet to remain on the registry. Fear not, fans, for she has OK'd sports equipment at Target (golf balls basically).

So in closing, an ode to the scanner gun...

Oh, scanner gun

Your little red bar

Speaks to me deep

And fills me with glee

UPC codes have new meaning

When scanner gun is held

In the palm of my hand

The time will come

When we must depart

But, oh scanner gun,

You will always hold

A place in my heart

-D