"Reputation is for time; character is for eternity." -J. B. Gough
Reputation is defined as "the estimation in which a person or thing is held, especially by the community or the public generally; repute: a man of good reputation." (Bold emphasis added by me.)
Interesting second word there. Estimation. Also interesting? "... by the community of the public generally." Reputation is how the public estimates you to be. And we all know that the public always has a good judge of character, right?
Ah, but character? It can be defined as "one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual." (Again emphasis added by yours truly.)
I don't mean to pick on any one person in particular, but this one was the first to pop into my head regarding this. That person? A certain famous golfer who hasn't been playing much golf recently. His reputation prior to Thanksgiving 2009 used to be that of a great golfer with a beautiful family who kept his private life his private life. And then? Well, we all know what happened.
The point of this isn't to bash or judge anyone. The point is to say that there can be a disconnect between what we are and what people think we are. It's very easy to put on a public person of ______ only to really be _______ in private. You can have a good reputation but bad character, bad reputation but good character, bad both, or good both. While it's impossible to control what others think of you (short of Jedi mind tricks), what we can control is who we are. We can control our character. The choices we make when the public isn't watching ultimately defines who we are. Who we are around those closest to us defines who we are.
The quote from J. B. Gough is a good one, because it presents us with a choice. Do you care more about reputation - putting on a good face for the public? Or do you care more about character - leaving a lasting impression on your family and friends? Now that I have a daughter and another due in November, the idea of leaving a lasting impression takes on even greater meaning. What do I want them to remember about me? It won't be whether I bought them whatever cool toy they wanted. It won't be whether I bought them a car. It won't be what those in my professional field say about me. It will be how much I loved them, how much I cherished them, how much time I spent with them, how I loved my wife, and what lessons they learned - not from what I said to them, but from how I lived my life. A strong character is an investment that pays eternal dividends.
-D
7.28.2011
7.25.2011
The Fine Art of Worrying
"Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Why should we not worry about tomorrow? Well, for one thing, it's tomorrow. It's the next day. But if you take it one more step, what is tomorrow? It's always a day away. Tomorrow never actually arrives. We never get to tomorrow. Why worry about a day that never actually arrives? When we worry about tomorrow, we lessen the quality of today. Who knows what we might miss out on because we spend time worrying about what could happen tomorrow or in a week or month or year?
The apostle Paul gives us some advice in the book of Philippians about stress and worry.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
It's fairly straightforward. Pray. Be thankful. Present what worries you to The One who can handle all worry.
John Ortberg, in his book God is Closer than You Think, says this about worry, “We live under the illusion that worry enhances our ability to control the world. Somehow we fear that if we stop worrying about something completely, it will really go wrong. So we worry as if we're still in control of something that's actually completely out of our hands... the great danger of these worries is not just that they make my life emotionally unpleasant. It is that they distract me from the presence of God in my life.”
How can we keep from being distracted?
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Jesus offers this advice in Matthew 6 (right before telling us not to worry). Seek Him. Why? Because when we do, we leave less room for distraction from worry. Because we are eliminating our need to control by putting His kingdom first. We focus on His agenda, not our own.
We all worry. We all have stress or anxiety. If we let it get to us too much, our health can suffer; our relationships can suffer; and our faith can falter. Instead of letting that happen, remember what Paul said, "Do not be anxious about anything." Let The One whose shoulders can bear the worry actually bear the worry.
-D
7.22.2011
All-Time Trust
"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge." -Psalm 62:8 (HCSB)
There are two interesting thoughts I had. How both good times and bad times can lead us to not trust in God.
When things go well, we credit ourselves. When things go bad, we point the finger at God.
How people can think like this is beyond me - but yet when I drill down to the guts of it, I'm like that, too. More so with the good times than the bad. Because when things go bad, I go to Him as my refuge. Of course the question is do I do that right away? Which of course the answer is not always. David's message to the people is that God can be trusted and should be trusted all the time. He is our refuge. He hears us when we pour our hearts out to Him. In good and bad, we must trust Him. Because He has proven His trust-ability to be 100%.
Trust Him all the time. Because He is trustworthy all the time. Live in His trust. Take refuge in His trust. Be bold in His trust.
-D
There are two interesting thoughts I had. How both good times and bad times can lead us to not trust in God.
When things go well, we credit ourselves. When things go bad, we point the finger at God.
How people can think like this is beyond me - but yet when I drill down to the guts of it, I'm like that, too. More so with the good times than the bad. Because when things go bad, I go to Him as my refuge. Of course the question is do I do that right away? Which of course the answer is not always. David's message to the people is that God can be trusted and should be trusted all the time. He is our refuge. He hears us when we pour our hearts out to Him. In good and bad, we must trust Him. Because He has proven His trust-ability to be 100%.
Trust Him all the time. Because He is trustworthy all the time. Live in His trust. Take refuge in His trust. Be bold in His trust.
-D
7.13.2011
The Birth Story: Daddy's Perspective
This is a special "From the Vault" post. I wrote this on Novmeber 1, 2010. Being that today our precious Ny turns one, I thought it very appropriate to post this recollection of the day our lives changed for the best forever. Enjoy...
File this post away as "the one that got away" - or that I have been meaning to write for a long time but never got around to it. I would normally blame procrastination but actually have a much better reason.
Fatherhood is one of those things that, at least for me, you can prepare for but in the back of your mind know that you're not even remotely ready for. We found out a year ago that we were going to be parents. We found out 8 months ago that we were having a girl. Then in the middle of July, our little girl entered the world.
So how did that day go? I'm glad you asked, because you're about to get an inside look at what was going through this guy's mind.
The best place to start would be back in June, when G and I made two "trial runs" to the hospital because she had intense back pain which we thought could be back labor. I'll direct you here to get all the details. That experience helped us better prepare for the real thing - what to pack, where to go, layout of the hospital, and, for me, how much wi-fi there would be. A word of advice for fathers-to-be: take a comfortable pillow and blanket, because the hospital sofa is anything but.
Fast forward a few weeks later to a Sunday night/Monday morning. I was having some trouble sleeping, got up, and checked out the weather (shocker), which showed a line of thunderstorms approaching our area. After I finally fell back asleep, I awoke at 6 to get ready for work. There was one hiccup though. G was already awake and told me, "Babe, I'm having contractions." "Um.. what?!?" "I've been having them since 3:45 this morning." At that point, plans to go to work were abandoned (which turned out to be a good thing, because it rained ridiculously hard that morning), and I opted to work from home in the event of, well, you know. The day went on; the contractions continued every 15-30 minutes; and both of us went about our day as best as possible. Needing to get out of the house, both of us decided to head out to Sam's - just to walk around and enjoy what could very well be our last night with only two of us. We got back, ate dinner, and were going to play Mario Party 8 on the Wii... when we decided to go to Target. Again, another nice time for both of us to (slowly) meander around one of our favorite places.
By the time we got home, it was getting late. We were getting ready for bed when G expressed concern that her water may have been leaking. Not wanting to take any chances, we got our things together - calmly I might add - and made the 15-minute drive to the hospital. Another bit of advice for fathers-to-be: they're going to take your wife back for5 hours 20 minutes to ask her some questions and make sure she feels safe with you; just be prepared to wait and be nervous. When they let me back to see her, she had progressed nicely, but the water had not broken, and our little girl was still not ready to arrive. After an hour, the nurse told us that, while we would have a baby in the next 24 hours, it was ok to go home, as nothing was really happening. We made the drive home, left all of our things packed, and climbed back into bed.
2:00 AM. I had been asleep for about an hour. My wife wakes me. "Babe, my water broke." Ok, time to go again. Now before I go any further, let me say that break does not even begin to describe it. It was a flood that soaked the sheets on her side of the bed. So again, we climb in the car (bags still in the trunk) and arrive back at the hospital. One of the nurses that saw us earlier happened to be walking by as we were checking in again. G was showing me more water that was leaking. Said nurse saw said water running down G's pants and uttered, "Oh yeah, her pants are soaked. Admit her now." More waiting on my part. Phone call to both of our moms. Update facebook status to "Water break does not even begin to describe what just happened." Come back to room to see my wife.
The morning went on. The contractions got stronger. G was in more pain. The epidural was given. G was not in pain anymore. Our moms both arrived within 30 minutes of each other, claiming they couldn't sleep. That was ok with us. Their being there helped pass the time quicker. They also rocked the cafeteria and scored me some bacon and chocolate milk. Yes, I am 11 years old. Around 9:00, the nurse checked G and said it was time to start pushing. The moms left. And I tried my best to avoid passing out for 30 minutes while G started pushing. More advice to dads-to-be: be ready to use a cold washcloth for your wife... and yourself. Of course, you probably do hospitals better than me.
The pushing passed the one-hour mark. At that point, G's doctor came in to assist. G continued to push, but that little girl just would not move past one tight spot. The doctor laid out our options: keep pushing for an hour and hope she moves OR have a C-section. Neither one of us wanted option 2. But at this point, with little progress made in 2 hours, we both agreed that the C-section was best. I notified our moms of the situation, got dressed up in some scrubs, hat, and mask, and walked with my wife to the surgery room...
Or not. It turns out I had to wait out in a hallway before being let in to see her. Longest. 15. Minutes. Ever. The thoughts are running through my head a mile a minute. Is everything ok? Is Ginny ok? Is our baby ok? Why am I waiting out here? I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and looked up to see one of the doctors coming to get me. Once in there, I sat by Ginny as they had the sheet up, working to get Ny out. One of the doctors told me to get the camera ready. I stood up, watched as they struggled to yank Ny out, and then smiled as we heard the most beautiful cry ever. She was finally here!
I walked over to the nurse's station while they cleaned Ny up, gave her a vitamin K shot, and cleaned up the poo that Ny took all over the equipment. That's my girl! She was still upset, as one would expect when being yanked into a cold room. I started talking to her, and, in an effort to secure an early pony promise, she immediately stopped crying and actually turned her head toward me. (There's a picture a nurse took of me with my hands in a position that shows how much I wanted to hold her.) Oh, man. She had me from that point on. They checked her length - 21 inches. They checked her weight - 9 pounds, 8 ounces! Then they swaddled her up tight and gave her to me. Let me tell you this - nothing will EVER prepare you for the moment you hold a new life that you created for the first time. I think I spent the next 10 minutes just staring at her. I brought her over to a now-sobbing G, who was getting sewn up. Little Ny just laid there in my arms and looked up. Once G was patched up, off we went to recovery.
That was the first time G got to hold Ny, who was still alert and looking up at us. I took pictures with the camera and cell phone, preparing for the exclusive facebook photos. We both sat there, exhausted from a long night but in awe that our baby girl was finally here. This little life that grew in G's tummy finally entered the world in all of her beauty and innocence. Even today, I am still blown away by holding her or rocking her or feeding her or just staring at her. From one single cell to a now 15-week old, healthy girl. What a blessing she is.
Daddy loves you, Ny.
-D
File this post away as "the one that got away" - or that I have been meaning to write for a long time but never got around to it. I would normally blame procrastination but actually have a much better reason.
So how did that day go? I'm glad you asked, because you're about to get an inside look at what was going through this guy's mind.
The best place to start would be back in June, when G and I made two "trial runs" to the hospital because she had intense back pain which we thought could be back labor. I'll direct you here to get all the details. That experience helped us better prepare for the real thing - what to pack, where to go, layout of the hospital, and, for me, how much wi-fi there would be. A word of advice for fathers-to-be: take a comfortable pillow and blanket, because the hospital sofa is anything but.
Fast forward a few weeks later to a Sunday night/Monday morning. I was having some trouble sleeping, got up, and checked out the weather (shocker), which showed a line of thunderstorms approaching our area. After I finally fell back asleep, I awoke at 6 to get ready for work. There was one hiccup though. G was already awake and told me, "Babe, I'm having contractions." "Um.. what?!?" "I've been having them since 3:45 this morning." At that point, plans to go to work were abandoned (which turned out to be a good thing, because it rained ridiculously hard that morning), and I opted to work from home in the event of, well, you know. The day went on; the contractions continued every 15-30 minutes; and both of us went about our day as best as possible. Needing to get out of the house, both of us decided to head out to Sam's - just to walk around and enjoy what could very well be our last night with only two of us. We got back, ate dinner, and were going to play Mario Party 8 on the Wii... when we decided to go to Target. Again, another nice time for both of us to (slowly) meander around one of our favorite places.
By the time we got home, it was getting late. We were getting ready for bed when G expressed concern that her water may have been leaking. Not wanting to take any chances, we got our things together - calmly I might add - and made the 15-minute drive to the hospital. Another bit of advice for fathers-to-be: they're going to take your wife back for
2:00 AM. I had been asleep for about an hour. My wife wakes me. "Babe, my water broke." Ok, time to go again. Now before I go any further, let me say that break does not even begin to describe it. It was a flood that soaked the sheets on her side of the bed. So again, we climb in the car (bags still in the trunk) and arrive back at the hospital. One of the nurses that saw us earlier happened to be walking by as we were checking in again. G was showing me more water that was leaking. Said nurse saw said water running down G's pants and uttered, "Oh yeah, her pants are soaked. Admit her now." More waiting on my part. Phone call to both of our moms. Update facebook status to "Water break does not even begin to describe what just happened." Come back to room to see my wife.
The morning went on. The contractions got stronger. G was in more pain. The epidural was given. G was not in pain anymore. Our moms both arrived within 30 minutes of each other, claiming they couldn't sleep. That was ok with us. Their being there helped pass the time quicker. They also rocked the cafeteria and scored me some bacon and chocolate milk. Yes, I am 11 years old. Around 9:00, the nurse checked G and said it was time to start pushing. The moms left. And I tried my best to avoid passing out for 30 minutes while G started pushing. More advice to dads-to-be: be ready to use a cold washcloth for your wife... and yourself. Of course, you probably do hospitals better than me.
The pushing passed the one-hour mark. At that point, G's doctor came in to assist. G continued to push, but that little girl just would not move past one tight spot. The doctor laid out our options: keep pushing for an hour and hope she moves OR have a C-section. Neither one of us wanted option 2. But at this point, with little progress made in 2 hours, we both agreed that the C-section was best. I notified our moms of the situation, got dressed up in some scrubs, hat, and mask, and walked with my wife to the surgery room...
Or not. It turns out I had to wait out in a hallway before being let in to see her. Longest. 15. Minutes. Ever. The thoughts are running through my head a mile a minute. Is everything ok? Is Ginny ok? Is our baby ok? Why am I waiting out here? I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and looked up to see one of the doctors coming to get me. Once in there, I sat by Ginny as they had the sheet up, working to get Ny out. One of the doctors told me to get the camera ready. I stood up, watched as they struggled to yank Ny out, and then smiled as we heard the most beautiful cry ever. She was finally here!
I walked over to the nurse's station while they cleaned Ny up, gave her a vitamin K shot, and cleaned up the poo that Ny took all over the equipment. That's my girl! She was still upset, as one would expect when being yanked into a cold room. I started talking to her, and, in an effort to secure an early pony promise, she immediately stopped crying and actually turned her head toward me. (There's a picture a nurse took of me with my hands in a position that shows how much I wanted to hold her.) Oh, man. She had me from that point on. They checked her length - 21 inches. They checked her weight - 9 pounds, 8 ounces! Then they swaddled her up tight and gave her to me. Let me tell you this - nothing will EVER prepare you for the moment you hold a new life that you created for the first time. I think I spent the next 10 minutes just staring at her. I brought her over to a now-sobbing G, who was getting sewn up. Little Ny just laid there in my arms and looked up. Once G was patched up, off we went to recovery.
That was the first time G got to hold Ny, who was still alert and looking up at us. I took pictures with the camera and cell phone, preparing for the exclusive facebook photos. We both sat there, exhausted from a long night but in awe that our baby girl was finally here. This little life that grew in G's tummy finally entered the world in all of her beauty and innocence. Even today, I am still blown away by holding her or rocking her or feeding her or just staring at her. From one single cell to a now 15-week old, healthy girl. What a blessing she is.
Daddy loves you, Ny.
-D
7.07.2011
Insight and Understanding
Proverbs 16:21-22
21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools.
One of the general themes in Proverbs is to live a righteous life. Many verses detail the advantages of living such a life - Proverbs 11:5-6 for example.
As I read these verses, I really thought about those two qualities: discernment and understanding (or insight as the HCSB translates it). What is discernment? What is insight? And how do these two help in living a righteous life?
Discernment: As I think about discernment, I think about the ability to look at a situation both at and beyond the surface to make the right decision. A discerning heart has the ability to know what to say or do in that situation. Not only does a discerning person know what to say/do, he also knows when and how to say/do it. When this person speaks, people listen, because his words are measured to reflect what he wants to say and what the Bible says. Correction and instruction are most successful when the words are chosen carefully and said with the correct feeling or emotion given the situation and person. The wise in heart have this discernment, and as such, others will listen to the words they speak. The wise person has influence because he can communicate effectively and bring others along.
Insight/Understanding: Insight, to me, is having additional knowledge beyond what is basically known. Why are color commentators for sports (generally) ex-players? They have insight. They have knowledge of the sport beyond what the average person knows. To have insight is to have more knowledge or experience. To have that extra bit of information makes a big difference. Why is it a fountain of life for those who have it? Because extra knowledge gives you an edge. In the context of the spiritual life, having insight guards us from making bad decisions. You gain insight by gaining more knowledge, which for us comes from more time spent with God. Insight is our fountain of life because we have the spiritual knowledge to avoid the pitfalls of life that the fool falls into over and over.
Thoughts to ponder: Do I possess a discerning spirit? Does my fountain of life flow from understanding? Do I value discernment and understanding? Do I recognize that to live a righteous life and be transformed I must possess discernment and insight? In what areas of my life am I weak in discernment and insight? Am I working to strengthen those areas under the Word of God?
-D
21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools.
One of the general themes in Proverbs is to live a righteous life. Many verses detail the advantages of living such a life - Proverbs 11:5-6 for example.
As I read these verses, I really thought about those two qualities: discernment and understanding (or insight as the HCSB translates it). What is discernment? What is insight? And how do these two help in living a righteous life?
Discernment: As I think about discernment, I think about the ability to look at a situation both at and beyond the surface to make the right decision. A discerning heart has the ability to know what to say or do in that situation. Not only does a discerning person know what to say/do, he also knows when and how to say/do it. When this person speaks, people listen, because his words are measured to reflect what he wants to say and what the Bible says. Correction and instruction are most successful when the words are chosen carefully and said with the correct feeling or emotion given the situation and person. The wise in heart have this discernment, and as such, others will listen to the words they speak. The wise person has influence because he can communicate effectively and bring others along.
Insight/Understanding: Insight, to me, is having additional knowledge beyond what is basically known. Why are color commentators for sports (generally) ex-players? They have insight. They have knowledge of the sport beyond what the average person knows. To have insight is to have more knowledge or experience. To have that extra bit of information makes a big difference. Why is it a fountain of life for those who have it? Because extra knowledge gives you an edge. In the context of the spiritual life, having insight guards us from making bad decisions. You gain insight by gaining more knowledge, which for us comes from more time spent with God. Insight is our fountain of life because we have the spiritual knowledge to avoid the pitfalls of life that the fool falls into over and over.
Thoughts to ponder: Do I possess a discerning spirit? Does my fountain of life flow from understanding? Do I value discernment and understanding? Do I recognize that to live a righteous life and be transformed I must possess discernment and insight? In what areas of my life am I weak in discernment and insight? Am I working to strengthen those areas under the Word of God?
-D
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